when reason fails

"Lord, how great is our dilemma!  In Thy Presence silence best becomes us, but love inflames our hearts and constrains us to speak.  Were we to hold our peace the stones would cry out; yet if we speak, what shall we say?  Teach us to know that we cannot know, for the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God.  Let faith support us where reason fails, and we shall think because we believe, not in order that we may believe." - A.W. Tozer

Have you ever tried to figure God out?  Have you ever found yourself right on the brink of something new, but the uncertainty of it all began to overwhelm you?  And the only truth you could hold on to was trust?

Sometimes my grasp of God is so very small.  I forget how marvelous and all-powerful he is.  I find myself working hard in my own strength because I can't truly believe that God is bigger than my problem, holier than my behavior, and deeply invested in my future, even more so than I.  I forget that God is God.

In the book of Zechariah a problem arose while building the temple.  The word of the Lord came to the prophet with a promise that the temple would be completed, and additionally, a reminder that, in his own strength, Zerubbabel would not be able to accomplish this task.  It could only be done through the power of the Spirit.

"This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts.  Who are you, O great mountain?  Before Zerubbabel  you shall become a plain.  And he shall bring forward the top stone amid shouts of  'Grace! Grace to it!'"

Then the word of the Lord came to me saying, "The hands of Zerubbabel have laid the foundation of this house; his hands will also complete it.  Then you will know that the Lord of hosts has sent me to you.  For whoever has despised the day of small things shall rejoice, and shall see the plumb line in the hand of Zerubbabel." Zechariah 4:6-10

When God lays ahold of your heart, calls you to deeper purpose and greater things, it may feel as though you have been called to build a temple out of rubble.  But if God has truly called, then God will truly lay the foundation.

God is God, far greater and far more incomprehensible than any person we could ever know.  And when reason fails, may we lean more deeply into faith.  May we trust that God will complete the very thing he started in our lives.

And it is not in our might.  It will not be through our power, but it will be through the Spirit which cannot be hindered.

"Our power is not in our numbers.  Our power is not in ourselves.  Our power is in the simplicity of Jesus." - Dick Brogden, LiveDead

look

I accidentally dropped the belt to my jacket in the toilet at work yesterday.  Joel's car was in the shop, my head was throbbing, and a difficult conversation from the evening before was still very fresh on my mind.  It was a struggle to stay focussed and productive amidst all of the distractions pulling for my attention.  I am not very good at compartmentalizing my life.  If one thing starts to unravel relationally, professionally, or personally, you can be sure it will be felt everywhere else, too.

I guess that's why my Bible reading this morning hit me in such a profound way.

"Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." Psalm 105:4

It is so easy to lose focus.  We can start the day off on the right foot (hopefully), and then the kids start to squabble, or there's an unflattering e-mail waiting for us at work, or we trip and fall as we're trying to get out the door.  Those seemingly insignificant things that pop up can play a very significant role in how the rest of our day goes.  I don't know about you, but when I find myself sinking further and further into life's unforgiving mess, my focus quickly moves from God to me.

This verse in Psalms is a wonderful reminder to look to God, and then keep on looking to Him.  When I spill coffee on my white pants, keep looking to God.  When I'm stuck in traffic and I have to get Sydney to ballet, keep looking to God.  When the pantry is bare and I need to get dinner on the table, keep looking to God.  These temporary challenges are not the end of the world.  It's just life.  Sure, there are frustrations, but in light of the big picture, they are really nothing but small speed bumps along the way.

I am challenged today to seek his face always...to keep my focus on what is eternal...hopeful...true.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:2,3

Remember the Author.  Remember the cross.  Remember the joy.

He did it all, so that we would not grow weary and lose heart...

But we must keep looking to Jesus.

stuck in the mud

Growing up in Africa, Sundays meant long, bumpy trips off the beaten path to get to church.  During the rainy season, heaps of red clay and dirt roads would turn into miles of thick, muddy paths.  On one particular Sunday, our car got stuck in the mud.  We were out in the middle of nowhere, and our car would not budge.  We began to pray.  My dad tried to push it out all by himself, but the mud was so thick, and our car was so deep, that it was no use.  Suddenly, children started running toward our car.  We had no idea where they came from, but they kept coming.  Dozens of them.  With gigantic grins and bare, dirty feet, they gathered around us and started to help push.   Little by little, the car slowly inched its way out of the mud until we were free and clear.

There are a couple of things I have learned from this experience that have helped me navigate through those times when I feel stuck in the "mud of life":

1. Pray. Getting "unstuck" should always begin with prayer.  I realize my better judgement can be skewed by my emotions, so rather than try to figure it all out or sit and stress over the situation, I have learned to go to God in prayer first.

"Hezekiah received the letter from the messengers and read it.  Then he went up to the temple of the Lord and spread it out before the Lord.  And Hezekiah prayed..." 2 Kings 19:14,15

2. Get out of the car and change perspective. When I am stuck in the mud, all I can see, feel, hear, and touch is my stuckness.  Getting out of the car allows me to pull away and look at the mud from a different perspective.  A new vantage point can also help me see some practical changes that I may need to make that will help pull me out of the mud.

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord." Isaiah 55:8

3. Seek support from trusted friends. There is nothing worse than pushing out of the mud alone.  In fact, you probably won't get very far with that method.  Seek out loyal friends, invite them into your life, and allow them to help you through the process.  Working your way out of the mud will be far more successful with the support, encouragement, and strength from a true friend.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.  If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

The mud you're in doesn't own your life.  If you're stuck because of poor choices, stop agonizing over it, repent, and then move on.  If you're stuck simply because of the circumstances in your life right now, don't fret.  God is in complete control.  Rainy seasons don't last forever, and God never intends to keep us stuck when we are willing to follow him.

Keep pushing on.

divided heart

My heart is so easily distracted.  I have a passion for Jesus, and pursuing those things that are eternal, and I have a passion for temporal things that quickly fade away.

I start believing I can have it all.  Half of my heart can belong to God, and half of my heart can belong to the world.

I get distracted by the American good life.

My heart is divided.

Psalm 86:11 & 12 says: "Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.  I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all of my heart; I will glorify your name forever."

While David was walking through troubling times he realized the only way to stay focussed and strong was to reach out to God.  David's plea was that God would teach him, guide him in truth, and give him a heart completely devoted to the Lord.

David's prayer is my prayer.  I want to know God's truth.  I want an undivided heart.  I want to praise God with all of my heart.

And I do not think that God wants to share my heart with the world.  I believe he wants all of my heart too.

It is so very easy to get caught up in the cares of this world.  Maybe you have found yourself wrestling between complete surrender and half-hearted praise.  Maybe you are like me, so quickly distracted by the superficial worries that cloud sound judgement.

The troubles that you and I face may not be poverty, or the threat of physical death.  We may not think we have any troubles at all.  However, our greatest troubles come, not in the form of persecution and famine, but in comfort and security.  And it is mighty difficult to give God an undivided heart when the cost may be the very thing we are clinging tightly to.

God wants more.  No.  God wants all.

"When we fail to focus on eternity, we will choose comfort over danger, self-fulfillment over self-denial, and escaping rather than bearing our cross." - George Wood, General Superintendent of the Assemblies of God.

the voices in my head

Do your kids ever get scared?  Mine do.  In fact, I can get called upon, at least, three nights a week to come and pray for the "scary thoughts" that are keeping one of them from sleep.

"Scary thoughts" can be paralyzing:

"What if I fail?"

"What if I lose someone I love?"

"What if I don't have what it takes?"

"What if?"

Those scary thoughts can keep us from hearing God's voice, and those thoughts can even keep us from obeying God's direction.

Can I be honest with you?  I struggle with the "what if's".  Sometimes I get so carried away with the voices in my head that I stop listening to the voice of God.

Psalm 29 says:

"The voice of the Lord is over the waters...

The voice of the Lord is powerful;

The voice of the Lord is majestic.

The voice of the Lord breaks the cedars...

The voice of the Lord strikes with flashes of lightening.

The voice of the Lord shakes the desert...

The voice of the Lord twists the oaks and strips the forests bare.

The Lord sits enthroned over the flood;

The Lord is enthroned as King forever.

The Lord gives strength to his people;

The Lord blesses his people with peace."

I have to ask myself, "Who's voice should I truly be listening to?"  My voice - self-absorbed and sinful?  Or the voice of God - powerful and majestic?  God's voice, His Word, is the word of the King.  The voice of God brings peace, not fear and confusion. The voice of God strengthens our faith, it does not turn us into cowards.

When I get caught up with the "what if's" I have to quickly tell those voices in my head to submit to the Voice that is over the waters.

When you feel scared, or when you find yourself like me, caught up in the "what if's", look to God's Word.  Remember His truth.  Listen to His voice.  Surrender your fears, and walk in obedience.  And the Lord will bless you with peace.

2 Corinthians 10:5 "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

a time for everything

Life is cyclical.  From sunrise to sunset, everything moves season to season, upsides and downsides, highs and lows.  I think it is difficult for us in the Western world, with our Western mindset, to comprehend the principle of time and season.  We believe anything less than the high is unproductive and wasted time.

And yet, in Ecclesiastes chapter 3 we see a completely different perspective.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time."

Too often I fight the season I am in because I want to be on the other side of the cycle.  And I imagine that I am not alone in this.

We want to plant roots and dig deep, and God is calling us to uproot and make a change.

We want to dance and laugh, and God has us in a moment of mourning and tears.

We want to be silent, when God is calling us to speak.

In whatever circumstances God has allowed us to be, may we remember that we let go of our preconceived ideas, hopes, dreams, and plans, not to be left empty-handed, but to be free to embrace the new.

And remember...he makes everything - everything - beautiful in its time.

Detour - when life interrupts your life

The kids were upstairs playing, enjoying the later bedtime freedom that summer brings, while Joel and I plopped on the couch and started listening to some of our favorite songs of the 80's and early 90's.  Flashbacks of high school slumber parties, listening to Wilson Phillips, Chicago, and of course Michael Bolton's "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You", suddenly flooded my mind.  It is in-con-ceivable to me that high school is well over 20 years in my past. How life  has changed.

I'm certainly not where I thought I would be when I was belting out Wilson Phillips' hits at the top of my lungs at the tender age of 17.  As seemingly insignificant as they were, I had plans for my life.  I had hopes, dreams, and a lot of prayer that things would go a certain way for me.  I headed off to college with high expectations.  And this (Lord have mercy...this) is where my life hit a major detour, and all my plans flew right out the window.  The road I wanted to travel was not the road I found myself on.  And believe you me, I fought tooth and nail to get back on my original path.  I desperately wanted things to go a certain way, and for a reason beyond my human understanding - at the time - God held firm to the detour.  There was tension and frustration of having to let go of certain expectations.  And I would add, God and I have played tug-of-war many times over the years, and there are still times I just want to yank that rope over to my side, but experience has taught me this is never a good thing.

Life will happen.  In fact I've noticed, at least with me, life interrupts my life when I least expect it or desire it.  This interruption sets me on a new course, a detour from my original path, and I have to adjust.  Experience has taught me to embrace the detour, as long and unknown as it may be, because it is the detour that has made me who I am today.  It has shaped me, softened me, matured me, and drawn me closer to my Heavenly Father.

If you are going through a detour right now, stop resisting.  If your life has been interrupted by an illness, or a death in the family, or the loss of a job, or depression, or an unrealized dream, understand this: it will not be the end of you.  It will most definitely hurt for a while...trust me in that...but it will not overtake you if you don't allow it to.   Trust that God is truly in control.  There are things that will not be defined or explained right now, and perhaps never, but the process he is taking you through will not be for nothing.  There is a purpose in everything.  Everything.  Every loss, every pain, every broken heart.  There is most certainly a purpose.  BUT, you've got to hang in there, follow the detour, walk the difficult, unplanned path for as long as it takes in order to see the purpose at the end.

And here is the silver lining...that which truly makes the detour worthwhile.

He makes all things new.

He takes the most bitter and ugliest parts of our stories and makes something beautiful, precious, rare and exquisite.

He sees everything.  He knows everything.  And he holds everything in his hands.  He is in control of everything.

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.  There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."  Then He who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new."  - Revelation 21:4,5a

Popcorn praise & Popsicle prayers

The way to my children's hearts is through their tummies.  They love food.  They love thinking about food.  They love knowing what's for dinner before breakfast is over.  And they loved every delectable bite of the Ritz crackers and string cheese I served them for snack this afternoon. With that in mind, I decided that if we were to successfully pass on the value and practice of prayer and praise, then a good food analogy was in order.

Before we begin our family prayer time, we start out with "popcorn praise".  It took some explaining as Jackson kept expecting a bowl of popcorn to accompany his words of praise for the first several nights, but he eventually figured it out.  "Popcorn praise" is a time when we offer random words of thanksgiving and praise to God.  There is no order.  If  you have something you want to say to God, then go ahead and say it.  Be spontaneous.  Let it pop right out of your mouth like a kernel of popcorn in the popper.

"Enter his gates with THANKSGIVING and his courts with PRAISE; give THANKS to him and PRAISE his name!" Psalm 100:4.

After we spend a little time thanking God and praising Him, we have our "popsicle prayer" time.  A girlfriend of mine found this great idea on Pinterest, and she got me started with a bundle of wide craft sticks ("popsicle" sticks).  Everybody has someone or something new to pray for each night.  It is a pretty ingenius idea, and we have found it to be a great way to get the kids involved in- and take ownership of- our family prayer time.

Just to be clear: prayer time in our home is sometimes loud, sometimes long, sometimes short, and sometimes crazy.  Yet even while we are somewhat rough around the edges when it comes to prayer etiquette (ie: not interrupting your sister while she is thanking Jesus for you!), I feel immensely joyful having this special and quality prayer time with my kids, as well as confident that we are teaching them the value and practice of praise and prayer.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12.

Worst case scenario.

My kids are Young Champions, and they have the medals to prove it.  They just completed a week long track and field clinic/outreach that our church puts on for the community.  All three of my kiddos had an amazing time making new friends, hanging out with old friends, and learning new skills.  It was a joy for me to watch them work hard and compete.  Jackson was in heaven for sure - winning and competition are his two favorite things.  For my girls, however, Young Champions was a few stretches beyond their comfort zones.  After the first night I was actually concerned that Sydney might withdraw from the clinic and end up sitting on the sidelines with me.  In the car ride home she unloaded her frustrations and anxieties about the track and field events: "I'm not fast!  I always lose!  I'm don't jump high and I don't throw far.  I'm going to lose everything!  It's so embarrassing!"

My initial feeling was irritation.  Really?  Are you kidding me?  This was supposed to be fun.  You were supposed to enjoy the experience.  I wanted to lecture Sydney on all the reasons she shouldn't be feeling upset and discouraged, and give her a good dose of "you should be grateful for the opportunity..." etc, etc.  But I didn't.  Instead I asked her a few questions.

1. If you lose, will Mommy and Daddy stop loving you?

Sydney's reply: No

2. If you lose, will God stop loving you?

Sydney's reply: No

3. If you lose, will your friends not like you anymore?

Sydney's reply: No

4. So, what's the worst thing that can happen to you if you lose?

After a long pause, Sydney's reply: I don't know.

In a nutshell, if you lose Mommy and Daddy will still love you, God will still love you, and your friends are still going to love you and be your friend.  I guess the worst thing that will happen is that you will lose.  And that's it.  If you can handle the feeling of losing, then you will be alright, because it won't get any worse than that.  And really, it can only get better.

I've been trying to take my own advice lately.  Sometimes the unknown, or perhaps our worst fears, will keep us from enjoying a moment, or taking a step of faith.  I don't know about you, but I can almost become paralyzed as the worst case scenario plays through my mind.  I'm learning to ask myself the same questions I asked Sydney: If this happens (worst case scenario) will God stop loving me?  Will Joel, and my family stop loving me?  Of course not!  So, the worst thing that could happen is this "thing".  And if I can handle that, and with God's help and love I will, then I will be alright.

Because it won't get any worse than my worst case scenario.  And really, it can only get better.

Working it out, and making it work.

We are a family of five.  A family of five packed with lots of personality.  There is never a dull moment in our home.  It's lively.  Feisty.  Colorful.  Passionate and Diverse. Naturally, with all this passion and diversity comes an awful lot of disagreement (you can only imagine).  Our more recent family verse could not have been more appropriate.

This scripture prompted some interesting dialogue.  "What does unity in our family look like?"  "What if we made every effort at working it out, and making it work with each other?"  "What does it mean to be held together with the bond of peace?"

We set our goals.  We thought, each one of us, of what it would take to "make every effort".

We are going on week #2 with these goals.  We are learning.  Unity takes time.  I figure, if God isn't finished with me yet, refining and chipping away at the rough character issues in my life, then we can take another week to focus on "speaking with a calm voice," "using words like 'please' and 'thank you'," and "no poking, no whining...".

I love the way Joel expressed our need for this verse in our family to our children.  He explained that this is the way God desires for all of us Christians to treat and behave with one another.  We get to practice this in our home so we will know how to treat our brothers and sisters in Christ.

This summer we are working it out, and making it work.  We are making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace...and a whole lot of love too!

Old Dog, New Tricks

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks.  There are days I am tempted to agree with them.  Joel and I bought a new camera.  We spent months researching and comparing brands, prices, and pixels, then finally bit the bullet.  We pushed our nine-year-old, first edition, digital Sony camera aside and purchased a camera that promised to do everything, as well as cure cancer (well, not really).  I was like a kid on the night before Christmas as I waited for our upgrade into the 21st century to arrive in the mail.  When it finally came, I had that thing unpacked in less than five seconds flat. I started snapping pics like I knew something about cameras...which I don't.  In fact, as I flipped through to review my recent shots, it became very clear to me that I know absolutely "nada" about camera technology built in the last 10 years.  I pulled out the owner's manual and instructional DVDs, getting to work, learning about his new piece of machinery.  Suffice it to say, a month later I am still learning by much trial and error.  Almost to the point of pulling out my old Sony and giving up.  But of course I won't.  You see, the desire to take better quality photos far outweighs the desire to stop learning how to operate this new camera, as frustrating and impossible as it may seem at times.

I haven't been blogging lately because I have felt like an old dog learning new tricks over the past five months.  God is up to new things, and most of them aren't that comfortable for me.  He's been stretching me beyond my comfort zone and requiring my nose to be stuck in his instructional manual rather than my computer.  I often find myself wishing I could return to the things that I know, like my old Sony digital camera, rather than take that overwhelming step towards the life and future I have dreamed about.

It's easy to dream.  To think about how nice it would be to get that one perfect snapshot.  It's something completely different to start working towards that dream.  That takes discipline, time, a few tears, and perseverance.  It takes a determined effort to keep that dream in view, ignoring the growing pains, and trusting the One in the lead.  The new tricks might seem a bit out of reach, but they are never unattainable.

So, throw that old first-edition digital camera away, and get down to business on the new thing that God has brought your way.  We are not "Old Dogs" yet, my friend!

Welcome to my world...get rid of that junk - Part 2

Jill Martin, a Today Show contributor, writes in her book, "I Have Nothing To Wear", that women should get rid of 75% of their closets.  That means going through all those clothes, shoes, scarves and belts and finding the 25% that you can't live without.  I love a good challenge.  In fact, I was so inspired after I watched Jill's segment on Today that I ran upstairs to get started. At the end of my great closet purge I ended up getting rid of two pairs of jeans, a black vest and a sweater.  Four items.  Not even close to 75% of my closet.  So where did I go wrong?  Or should I say, where did I go right?

Several years ago I heard a professional organizer share tips on how to keep closets under control.  She advised that for every new item you buy you should get rid of an old item.  I thought this was an ingenious idea.

I loved her advice so much that I have made it an ongoing habit.  The reason I didn't have 75% of my closet to purge was because I've learned how to keep my closet under control.

Everything I own is something that I actually wear.  At the end of each season I will make another assessment and if there are items that have gone unworn, they will eventually make it to the give-away pile.

So, how do we get started, and how do we keep our closets under control?

• Schedule a day to thoroughly go through your closets.

• Assess what you have and make piles.

• Keep items that you absolutely love, wear or use on a consistent basis.

• Donate items that do not fit properly or you haven't worn for 6 months to a year.  Anything that has been shoved to the back corner of your closet should probably go.

• Maybe items are those that you may want to think about.  At the end of the day go through this pile and make your final decision.

This is also a wonderful way to teach your kiddos how to manage their own stuff.  I believe that training our kids on how to do a good closet and toy cleanse will give them a tremendous skill for years to come.

Here's what I did with my girls:

• Schedule a portion of the day for a little one-on-one time.
• Let the child Choose the area of the room/closet we will be focussing on first.  (I like to pick two areas that we will tackle.  The child chooses the order in which we work.  This gives them a sense of control over the situation.)
• Have the child Expose the stuff and lay in on the floor.
• Allow the child to Assess items and put them in the appropriate piles.

This year my eight-year-old was responsible for going through all her drawers and hanging clothes and trying everything on to see what fit and what she had outgrown.  She has learned how to make piles without my constant supervision.  When she was done I checked on her work.  She had re-organized her drawers with the clothes that still fit, and had put everything else in a pile ready for donation.  I've been working with her for a long time, and she is becoming quite the pro.

My six-year-old struggles a bit more in this area.  She is a very responsible little girl, but has a completely different temperament.  I allow her to take her time and give her space to process as we work.

One of the things I have tried to do as we have gone through toys and placed them in piles, is to verbally walk them through the process.  I will ask questions like, "Why would we put this in the give-away pile?" or "What makes this item a keeper?"  I have found that by talking them through it, and encouraging them to articulate why they are deciding to keep or get rid of something, allows them to fully understand what we are doing.  It's not just about getting the job done, but knowing the why behind it.  At least, that's my approach.

I would LOVE to know if/when you have done your own closet cleansing, and how did you do it?  Have any of you tried to purge 75% of your own closets?  If you have children, how have you brought them along in the process?  If you have any additional small-space living tips, please share them.  I will post them in an upcoming edition of this small-space living series!

Four Things I Learned Last Weekend

A week ago I was flying across the country to meet up with three of my high school BFF's.  We had been planning this reunion for months, and the excitement of seeing these sweet friends had me up all through the night.  I knew it was going to be a wonderful weekend, but I had no idea just how wonderful it would turn out to be. There was laughter.  So much so that we discovered new muscles in our cheeks that we never knew existed.  There were, of course, tears, stories and endless conversation.  It never stopped.  For 48 hours straight.  As I have been reflecting upon our time together there are some things that I will be processing for days and weeks to come.  However, I have come up with four simple take-aways that I learned from spending time with some of the most amazing women on the planet.  Here they are:

• I'm not crazy.  Life as a third culture kid can sometimes leave one to feel like a lunatic.  Even at 37 years of age.  Being with my girlfriends this weekend, who have shared similar experiences and challenges, reminded me that I am not a lunatic.  What a relief!
• "Double Switch" is still the best made-for-t.v. movie ever to hit the small screen.  Just sayin'.
• I'm a great mom.  Yes.  That's right.  Can you believe I would have the audacity to proclaim my unparalleled mothering skills?  We talked a lot about "mom guilt".  If you have never felt the searing pain of "mom guilt" then I want to know who you are and I want to shake your hand, or give you a hug.   I try so hard at motherhood, and oftentimes feel like a failure.  Balancing discipline, love, spiritual growth, and relationship building is a full-time job, and then some.  I don't want to be a good mom, I want to be a great one.  And what perpetuates the guilt and feelings of failure is every time I look around and compare myself with other moms.  We talked about this stuff - our stuff.  Finally, we realized that no matter how hard we try to make sure we don't fail at this thing called motherhood, our kids will still have issues.  They may not be our issues, but they will have issues just the same.  But they will also turn out okay.  Ultimately, they rest in God's hands.  We simply do the best we can.  I concluded that I am a great mom.  A super, fabulous, top-notch, creative, compassionate, super-woman mom.  If you can relate, then go ahead and give yourself a little pat on the back.  Believe me, I have. :)
• Spiritual growth is a slow process, sometimes unrecognizable from the outside.  I don't know about you, but there are many times I feel like I'm running a winless race.  In fact, I feel like I'm running myself into the ground trying to prove to myself and others that I am a spiritually mature Christian.  Somehow it has become more about me than about Him.  However, I realized, as I processed some of life's challenges and hurts with my friends, that in the moments when I feel like nothing worth a hill of beans is happening in my life are the very moments when God is doing extraordinary things in me.  There is no rush in spiritual growth.  It is a one-small-step-at-a-time walk.  This is not a competition.  It is a personal journey.

As I boarded the plane home, wiping tears from my eyes, I heard Michael W. Smith's song, "Friends are Friends Forever" ringing in my head.  How right he was.  BFF's forever.

Welcome to my world...creating special places from extra spaces

Where on earth does one find extra space in a small house where every square inch is accounted for? The answer to this question takes a little creativity, planning, time, and teamwork.  Our bonus space upstairs - our saving grace - was an eye sore to me for three years.  I hated it.  Because of its odd shape, I had a difficult time seeing its potential to be anything other than a giant toy box with a desk.  I rearranged furniture on a regular basis, hoping to make peace with my zig-zag shaped room.

Then, ding! A light went on in my head.  Perusing through- or more like desperately inhaling one of my decorating books- I found a picture of a small home office with a window seat and built-in shelving.  And there it was:  the answer to all my bonus room woes.  Duplicating this idea for our home would kill three birds with one stone: add seating, storage, and charm (and I'm all about charm).

Once we had the plan, then everything else fell into place: the wall color, the accent colors, the home office.  My creative juices started flowing, and I could finally "see" the potential for this room.  We got rid of our over-sized computer desk and scaled down to a computer armoire - which I bought second-hand.  We also enlisted the help of my in-laws.  They are two of the most gifted do-it-yourself people I know.  My father-in-law is a skilled craftsman (although he would deny this fact emphatically), and my mother-in-law is a seamstress extraordinaire.  Together, they are a powerful team...and have been a huge blessing to us.  We put our heads together, using the picture from my decorating book as a guide, and began planning out the window-seat wall unit.

From the moment I came up with the idea for our bonus room to the finished product was two years.  Sometimes these things take time, but they are well worth the wait.  I love our window seat.  It's a great place to flop with a good book or catch up on a little e-mail.  There is a place for random toys, shelves for books, nick-nacks and pictures, and ample seating for people.  The transformation of this room has been an incredible gift to our family.

Other individual spaces can be created with a little tweaking.  In our living room we have a big red chair.  It is my special spot.  That's where I have my quiet time in the morning, and where I like to flop in the evening (Joel loves this special spot too, so in the evening it's first come/ first serve :)).  I have fluffy pillows that makes sitting there super comfy and warm.

My patio in the summertime is another example.  Our outdoor space has been a work-in-progress.  This year I finally broke down and bought patio furniture.  In the past it's been "pay for a root canal...or buy patio furniture?"  You can take a guess at which one we opted for.  This year we were able to take the plunge and add a little patio seating to the exterior decor of our home.  And I must say, I am loving it.

Other suggestions:

• The landing.  You can create something sweet at the top of your stairs by adding a little shelf, a wall collage of pictures, trunk, plant, or small chair.
• Your bedroom.  I talked about this in my post about the master suite.  You can read about it here.
• A corner.  Depending on the layout of your home, look for a corner that shows potential for becoming a special spot.  There is a great post written by Sarah over at A Beach Cottage that demonstrates this concept well.
• It could even be one side of your couch.  Add a couple of fluffy throw pillows, a soft blanket, and you've created your own special place.

Next week we'll face our junk square in the eye and show it who's boss.  Thanks for joining me...see you next week!

Hold-your-hand-in-the-dark friends

These girls are two of my hold-your-hand-in-the-dark friends.  During one of the most painful seasons of my life, these girls were there for me.  They loved me.  They hurt with me.  They are the kind of friends that don't judge when you cry so hard that your mascara runs, your nose runs, and nothing coming out of your mouth makes any sense at all.  I am so grateful for them.

We may want to desperately erase our pasts, pretending that things never really happened.  I know there are seasons of my own life that I would rather just forget.  However, these dear friends of mine are a reminder to me that something beautiful can be had in the ugliness of our pasts.  While I was in my darkest hour, these girls were my light and a reminder that God still cared for me.  They sat with me, prayed for me, and in the words of my friend Heidi, "When you don't know what to say, you just hold her hand."

Do you have friends like this?  The hold-your-hand-in-the-dark kind of friends?  Perhaps the shoe is on the other foot, and you are that hold-your-hand-in-the-dark friend for someone.  Whichever side of the dark you are on, trust that the blessing of this friendship will be with you forever.  And the journey you are on, no matter how painful, will be worth all the blood, sweat, and tears in the end.

And one day, perhaps years down the road, these same friends will laugh with you, take you down the happy side of memory lane, and rejoice when they see how far you've come.

Hang in there, and keep holding hands.

Welcome to my world...before we go any further

Today marks Week Five of my new Friday series on small-space-living.  As I was putting it all together I felt I needed to make sure I took a moment to talk about one of the biggest obstacles I have faced while living in a small home.  It has nothing to do with size and everything to do with my attitude.  This has truly been a journey, and I hope you'll hang in here with me as we continue along. :) If you are new to my blog and you would like to catch up on my small space living series, you can do so by clicking on the following links:

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

There is nothing more stressful than playing the "keeping up with the Joneses" game.  And I'll confess, I am guilty of playing this at various seasons in my life.  And I think if we were all willing to be gut-wrenchingly honest, there is probably a small part of us that is always looking at someone else's life...and comparing.

We could blame it on the American dream.  The one that tells us that true happiness is a beautiful home, a happy marriage, two-and-a-half children, a dog, and a pristine minivan/SUV/station wagon/Hybrid something...take your pick.  And until we've attained all these things we're somehow missing out on the good life.  But the world is a different place today.  I'm not going to say that the American dream is dead, but I do believe it has changed .  And I find the most challenging obstacle for me in all of this is not so much the American dream - that sort of sits out there in space somewhere just out of my reach - but changing my mindset.

Letting go of the American dream.  This is not to say that we won't one day move into a more spacious home (I'm not anti-large home at all).  But if that is our number-one goal, then I wonder if we've gotten off track somewhere.  I wonder if chasing after the American dream is really what life is supposed to be about.  And if this is all we're striving for, I think we're going to be very discouraged and frustrated when life takes a turn in a different direction.  There are some things that are simply out of our control, and the best way to live at peace with ourselves and our circumstances, is pull out of the rat race that tells us what we need or should have, and start living in the present.  Making the most of the life God has given us today.

I could go on and on about how to maximize small spaces, how to organize and stay organized, and how to successfully purge your house of miscellaneous papers and such, but all that is meaningless until your mindset has changed.  First, get to that point where the American dream is either forgotten or placed on the back burner for a while.  It is only then that you can move forward and embrace small-space living.  There is no reward for trying to keep up with other people.  It will surely drive you mad and drive you deep into debt.

So, before we go any further, I would urge you to do a little soul searching.  Discover what unfulfilled dreams you've been holding on to that only seem to keep you from moving ahead, come to grips with where you are, and ask God to give you a fresh perspective.  Only then can you find the peace you've been longing for.  And only then can you embrace your sweet small space.

"Contentment does not come from the acquisition of what you want.  It comes from the appreciation of how much you already have." - Ray Noah, Lead Pastor, Portland Christian Center

Next week we'll look at ways to create individual spaces out of extra space.  Time to get those creative juices flowing!

A Brief Thought On Motherhood

Moms come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, histories, gifts and callings.  Motherhood is not a "one size fits all" deal.  In theory this is a great truth.  In practice it can be very challenging to accept and believe. Some moms work outside the home, some moms are full time homemakers.  Some moms send their kids to public school, some to private school, and some choose to homeschool.  Some moms are single, some are married.  Some moms are the outdoorsy types, and love camping, rock climbing, canoeing and hiking.  Some moms are crafty, some are foodies, some are musicians, some are story-tellers.  Some moms wear a high powered suit to work and lead major companies, some moms rock at farming and cattle raising.

I believe the best moms are not the moms that try to squeeze into a mold that doesn't fit (it's like trying to squeeze into a pair of ill-fitting jeans...that's downright sad and painful).  The best moms are not looking at other moms and comparing themselves or wasting time by judging and criticizing.  Just as each individual comes in a unique and beautiful package, so is the role they play in motherhood.  There is no "one size fits all".  Rather than comparing, wouldn't it be more productive for us to extend grace to one another and realize that most moms are simply trying to do the best they can to be the best they can be?

The best moms are the moms who are grounded in their faith, obedient to the individual calling God has placed on their lives, and are operating in their God-given gifts and abilities.  These moms will truly be their best selves for their families.

"Her children will arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:  Many women do noble things but you surpass them all.  Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:28-30

Welcome to my world...the master of the house

A very long time ago I heard a woman speak about how to create a lovely home.   Her audience was a group of pastors' wives, and her primary point was the importance of focusing on the master bedroom before tackling any other room in the house.  The "love nest" should be every woman's priority.  I wish I could say I took her advice to heart and have been an obedient little pastor's wife, but in this simple thing I have failed.

The "love nest" is very important to me; however, in the three homes Joel and I have lived in, I have found myself setting up the kitchen and living room - and now the children's room - before focussing on the master bedroom.  This is no reflection on the sate of my marriage.  Honest.  I'm just a practical girl.  I spend more time in my kitchen than I do my bedroom, so the kitchen comes first.

So why am I sharing all of this with you?  Simple.  The master bedroom, even after six years in this house, is still a work in progress.  I'm still tweaking.  The former me would have put this post on hold - for 2 to 3 years - until it looked the way it does in my dreams.  But for the sake of this series, I decided to lay down my pride and give you a little preview of the master of the house.

Before moving into our home, I imagined the most peaceful place on earth.  I daydreamed about my favorite locations in the world: Aix en Provence, Mombasa, Paris, Maasai Mara, the East Coast.  If I could wake up every morning in one spot, where would it be?  And that is how I put our master bedroom together.

I'm constantly tweaking it, and I even have plans to repaint (don't tell my husband!) because it never feels "done" to me.  Still, I get a small dose of St. Simon's Island, Georgia, when I hide away in my room.

While we haven't completely banished the children from our bedroom, we do have boundaries.  It's not a playroom.  Plain and simple.  This is sacred space, and that's how I survive.

The master suite is the one place where I can escape from little toys and little shoes for a few hours.  A place where I can recharge, calm down, and feel refreshed.

Believe it or not, this has not put a damper on my relationship with my children.  They have a respect and understanding that the master bedroom is a special place.  It doesn't hurt children to have boundaries.  It teaches them respect for other people and how to conduct themselves in other homes.  Plus, making the master bedroom a room set-apart models to my children that the relationship between mom and dad is important and a priority.

Here are a few hints on small-space master suites:

• If you have children, keep the master suite your own.  I'm all for sharing, but not this one thing.
• Create a peaceful place.  Whatever color calms you down, use it on your walls and accent colors.
• Stay away from big, bulky furniture pieces.  Big furniture will swallow your room whole.  Try to find pieces with character that enhance the look of the room.
• Think storage.  There are wonderful closet storage units that help minimize clutter but also give you more closet space.  The less clothes and other items you need in the bedroom the better.

Thanks for stopping by today.  Next week, we'll talk about the biggest obstacle to overcome in small space living.  I hope you'll join me!

Welcome to my world...sleeping arrangements

"How do you do it?  How do you sleep all three kids in one room?"

I get asked this question...a lot.  Honestly, I'm no supermom, so I don't usually have a good answer.  I guess the one thing we had going for us was that our kids have never known anything but sharing a room together.  This is the way it has always been.  I shared a room with my sister until we were in junior high.  And even then, we would sneak into each other's rooms every so often just to be together.  Siblings sharing a bedroom was not a foreign concept to me, so naturally I always figured that my kids would share a room, too.  However, the idea of having my son share bedroom space with my girls was a little foreign to me.  This mental block had to be removed quickly because there really wasn't any other option in our case.

So, how did I do it?  Here are a few "tips" I've learned and try to put into practice:

• Attitude is 90% of the battle.  Kids are very perceptive, and they will quickly pick up on your apprehension, fear or frustration, regarding small-space sleeping arrangements.  You don't have to fake it, but I would try really hard to work out your own feelings before working with your kids.  When you have come to a happy place with the idea, then you can start talking it up to your little ones, including them in the planning process.
• Be creative.  There are wonderful resources out there on how to decorate and put together shared sleeping spaces.  Better Homes and Gardens has a big idea book full of pictures and guides for those of us who need a little jump start.  I also found Pottery Barn Kids to be another excellent resource.  While you may not be able to afford their prices, perusing their website is free, and they have an entire section on how to plan children's shared sleeping spaces.  Pick and choose the ideas that will work best for your children's room and go from there.
• Teach personal responsibility.  The older my children get, the more responsibilities they receive.  The oldest one is taking care of her part of the bedroom.  Because we are working with small space, extra clutter, clothes on the floor, and unmade beds are magnified.  For some moms this might not be a big deal, but it is for me.  Therefore, my children have the primary jobs of making their beds in the morning, picking up clothes and putting them away, cleaning up their toys when they are done playing with them, and tidying up their room.  I believe it is very healthy for them to have these responsibilities because one day they will be sharing space at college, dealing with flatmates after college, and then later on in marriage.  What a great skill they are developing in showing respect for others.
• Find a place for those treasures.  What my children perceive as treasure I tend to perceive as junk.  However, I can't very well go around throwing all their special things away, as tempting as it is at times.  Therefore, I have made sure that each child has a place (shelves and baskets) where they can stow their special treasures away.  They each have a place to display keepsakes as well as storage for journals, papers, and miscellaneous items they hold dear.  The small space keeps them from saving everything, so they really have to think about what is truly important to them and then get rid of the rest.

It is becoming more and more common these days for siblings to share bedroom space due to the growing number of families downsizing their homes.  I did my best to give you an overview on how we do things in our home; however, I realize there may be additional questions.  Please don't hesitate to ask me anything on this topic that you would find helpful.  I am more than happy to share more details with you.

Next week, we'll take a peek at the master suite - a no-kid zone.

Who's Got The Power?

Did you know that nothing can, or cannot, happen to you without the approval or knowledge of your heavenly Father?  Did you know that, when trouble comes, there is someone ultimately in control?  Someone who really and truly cares about you and has your best interest in mind.  Nothing, nothing, has more power over your life, or your circumstances, than the power of God.

"Where do you come from?" Pilate asked Jesus, but Jesus gave him no answer.  "Do you refuse to speak to me?" Pilate said.  "Don't you realize I have the power either to free you or to crucify you?"  Jesus answered, "You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above." John 19:9-11

That's a pretty weighty declaration Jesus makes.  Pilate thinks he's the one calling the shots.  He assumes he's the one with the power over Jesus' destiny.  What Pilate doesn't realize is that Jesus' life is not in his hands.  If God had not given Pilate power, Jesus would not be standing before him with his life on the line.  Jesus knew this.  Jesus understood who he belonged to and for what purpose his death would serve.  Pilate was only a part of the story.

Sometimes I wrestle with this.  I find myself in a challenging situation, and I just want scratch and claw my way out of it.  I don't want to go through difficulties.  I think maybe there is something I can do to "fix" everything.  And then I read those very simple yet profound  words of Jesus: "You would have no power over me if it had not been given from above."

Stop for a moment and think about that.  Nothing can have power over me or you unless it has been given from above.  God is in control.  And if he is allowing the pressure of pain to push deep, then he must know that the resurrection of your life, or your dreams, or your hopes, is on its way.  The same power that was given to Pilate is the same power that raised Jesus from the dead!

Nothing can happen to us that hasn't already passed through God's hands.  I take great comfort in this, whether it be in the challenges I face raising my children, or when a dream seems to be pushed aside and forgotten.  God is in control.  And I really like the idea of God's power working in my favor, even if it means facing some disappointments along the way.