I love you more

Jackson and I have this little game we play with each other at bedtime.  I say, "I love you," to which he replies, "I love you more."  Then I say, "No, I love you more," and he pushes back with, "No, I love you more..." and on and on it goes.  Jackson, typically, will say, "Mommy, I love you too much to argue," when he's ready to have the final word, and our "argument" is over.

Have you ever wondered what life would be like if we treated others from an "I love you more" mindset?  What if, rather than try to get our own way, prove our "rightness", or criticize our fellow believers when they don't quite behave up to par, we just loved them more...more than they love us, or more than they deserve?  What if we took Jesus' command to love and made it our number one mission in life?

Love others more.

Love others enough to forgive them, even when they don't deserve it.  Love them in spite of how we feel.  Love them enough to tell them the truth, especially when that truth is not something easy to share.  Love them more than our reputation.  Love them even when its not the popular thing to do.  Love more in the good times and the bad times.  Love more.

This is an impossible task...truly.  The only way we can be successful in loving others the way God has commanded us to is if we obey his entire command.  Love God completely, wholeheartedly, with our minds, hearts and souls.  Love him more and more and more.  Because when we love God, and we give our lives to God in surrender and obedience, then God's love will pour out of us and spill onto others.

It's not loving more in our own strength.  It is loving more out of an abundance of God's love within us.

Speak truth in love.  Weigh all matters of the heart against a heavy dose of love.  See the world from the other person's perspective.  Listen to the message behind the words or behaviors.  See that person as someone who was created by God, just like me and you.

Jesus loved us more.  He loved us so much more that he gave his very life for us.  His life, death and resurrection bear a message of absolute love.

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Matthew 23:37-39

He loves us more.

Let us, then, love others more.

Detour - when life interrupts your life

The kids were upstairs playing, enjoying the later bedtime freedom that summer brings, while Joel and I plopped on the couch and started listening to some of our favorite songs of the 80's and early 90's.  Flashbacks of high school slumber parties, listening to Wilson Phillips, Chicago, and of course Michael Bolton's "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You", suddenly flooded my mind.  It is in-con-ceivable to me that high school is well over 20 years in my past. How life  has changed.

I'm certainly not where I thought I would be when I was belting out Wilson Phillips' hits at the top of my lungs at the tender age of 17.  As seemingly insignificant as they were, I had plans for my life.  I had hopes, dreams, and a lot of prayer that things would go a certain way for me.  I headed off to college with high expectations.  And this (Lord have mercy...this) is where my life hit a major detour, and all my plans flew right out the window.  The road I wanted to travel was not the road I found myself on.  And believe you me, I fought tooth and nail to get back on my original path.  I desperately wanted things to go a certain way, and for a reason beyond my human understanding - at the time - God held firm to the detour.  There was tension and frustration of having to let go of certain expectations.  And I would add, God and I have played tug-of-war many times over the years, and there are still times I just want to yank that rope over to my side, but experience has taught me this is never a good thing.

Life will happen.  In fact I've noticed, at least with me, life interrupts my life when I least expect it or desire it.  This interruption sets me on a new course, a detour from my original path, and I have to adjust.  Experience has taught me to embrace the detour, as long and unknown as it may be, because it is the detour that has made me who I am today.  It has shaped me, softened me, matured me, and drawn me closer to my Heavenly Father.

If you are going through a detour right now, stop resisting.  If your life has been interrupted by an illness, or a death in the family, or the loss of a job, or depression, or an unrealized dream, understand this: it will not be the end of you.  It will most definitely hurt for a while...trust me in that...but it will not overtake you if you don't allow it to.   Trust that God is truly in control.  There are things that will not be defined or explained right now, and perhaps never, but the process he is taking you through will not be for nothing.  There is a purpose in everything.  Everything.  Every loss, every pain, every broken heart.  There is most certainly a purpose.  BUT, you've got to hang in there, follow the detour, walk the difficult, unplanned path for as long as it takes in order to see the purpose at the end.

And here is the silver lining...that which truly makes the detour worthwhile.

He makes all things new.

He takes the most bitter and ugliest parts of our stories and makes something beautiful, precious, rare and exquisite.

He sees everything.  He knows everything.  And he holds everything in his hands.  He is in control of everything.

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.  There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."  Then He who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new."  - Revelation 21:4,5a

Motherhood has changed for me.

There was, once upon a time, a season of my life when motherhood meant more of survival to me than anything else.  Changing diapers, feeding, sippy cup filling, cuddling, rocking, naptime rituals, reading, bathing babies, taming tantrums, and playing silly games filled every second of my day.  (Notice that showering was not included in this list.  If, by chance, a shower was rendered it was sheer luck, or due to strategic planning on my part.)  Looking back on those days, which were only a few years ago, I am struck by the simplicity of it all.  My "issues" were messy diapers, crying, and teaching my children boundaries.  I was busy, and the fruit of my labor was not always evident in the moment, but the issues were small and the world so much simpler. We are a few, short weeks away from closing the books on another school year, and I find myself feeling nostalgic and emotional.  This has been a challenging year for us.  I am no longer kissing tiny microscopic boo boos, but rather holding my ten-year-old while she cries because a girl at school teased her about her weight.  I am no longer helping my wobbly toddler learn to walk, instead I am holding my eight-year-old's hand as she faces disappointment and rejection.  And instead of filling sipping cups I find myself having to fill my children's minds with the truth of God's Word because of an off-hand comment another child made at school.  It's downright painful.  And we haven't even hit the teen years yet.

Motherhood has changed for me.

I used to cry because I was so exhausted, and I didn't think I'd ever sleep again.  I used to cry because the temper tantrums would wear me to the core.  I used to cry because I felt so lonely as a stay-at-home mom with three children under the age of three.

I cry for different reasons now.

I cry because I know there are some lessons that my kids will have to learn the hard way.  I cry because there are some wounds that I can't simply slap a bandaid on.  I cry because I remember how it felt to be ten.  I cry because motherhood means so much to me, and I love my kids deeply.  And as much as I would love for them to make it through grade school unscathed, I know that these challenges will make them stronger, wiser, and compassionate individuals.  Hurt feelings won't hurt forever, but they will teach my daughter the value of her words.  Not getting the solo, the speaking part, or chosen for a game is devastating now, but down the road my little girl will learn to empathize with the underdog.

I suppose, in about five years I'll probably be writing another post about how motherhood has changed for me.  For now, I would say to all the moms who are surrounded by diapers, bottles, naptimes and blankies, savour every un-showered, sleepless night and sweat-pant-wearing moment of it.  Enjoy its simplicity.

Motherhood changes.  But so do we...the mothers.  We grow.  We mature.  And we gain a little more wisdom in the motherhood department along the way.  And while the issues will evolve from simple to complex (and even agonizing at times), God has given us everything we need to make it through right now.

I am learning to make this my new prayer:

"Lord, help me to live out this moment of motherhood in such a way that I will have no regrets.  Amen."

Popcorn praise & Popsicle prayers

The way to my children's hearts is through their tummies.  They love food.  They love thinking about food.  They love knowing what's for dinner before breakfast is over.  And they loved every delectable bite of the Ritz crackers and string cheese I served them for snack this afternoon. With that in mind, I decided that if we were to successfully pass on the value and practice of prayer and praise, then a good food analogy was in order.

Before we begin our family prayer time, we start out with "popcorn praise".  It took some explaining as Jackson kept expecting a bowl of popcorn to accompany his words of praise for the first several nights, but he eventually figured it out.  "Popcorn praise" is a time when we offer random words of thanksgiving and praise to God.  There is no order.  If  you have something you want to say to God, then go ahead and say it.  Be spontaneous.  Let it pop right out of your mouth like a kernel of popcorn in the popper.

"Enter his gates with THANKSGIVING and his courts with PRAISE; give THANKS to him and PRAISE his name!" Psalm 100:4.

After we spend a little time thanking God and praising Him, we have our "popsicle prayer" time.  A girlfriend of mine found this great idea on Pinterest, and she got me started with a bundle of wide craft sticks ("popsicle" sticks).  Everybody has someone or something new to pray for each night.  It is a pretty ingenius idea, and we have found it to be a great way to get the kids involved in- and take ownership of- our family prayer time.

Just to be clear: prayer time in our home is sometimes loud, sometimes long, sometimes short, and sometimes crazy.  Yet even while we are somewhat rough around the edges when it comes to prayer etiquette (ie: not interrupting your sister while she is thanking Jesus for you!), I feel immensely joyful having this special and quality prayer time with my kids, as well as confident that we are teaching them the value and practice of praise and prayer.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12.

Worst case scenario.

My kids are Young Champions, and they have the medals to prove it.  They just completed a week long track and field clinic/outreach that our church puts on for the community.  All three of my kiddos had an amazing time making new friends, hanging out with old friends, and learning new skills.  It was a joy for me to watch them work hard and compete.  Jackson was in heaven for sure - winning and competition are his two favorite things.  For my girls, however, Young Champions was a few stretches beyond their comfort zones.  After the first night I was actually concerned that Sydney might withdraw from the clinic and end up sitting on the sidelines with me.  In the car ride home she unloaded her frustrations and anxieties about the track and field events: "I'm not fast!  I always lose!  I'm don't jump high and I don't throw far.  I'm going to lose everything!  It's so embarrassing!"

My initial feeling was irritation.  Really?  Are you kidding me?  This was supposed to be fun.  You were supposed to enjoy the experience.  I wanted to lecture Sydney on all the reasons she shouldn't be feeling upset and discouraged, and give her a good dose of "you should be grateful for the opportunity..." etc, etc.  But I didn't.  Instead I asked her a few questions.

1. If you lose, will Mommy and Daddy stop loving you?

Sydney's reply: No

2. If you lose, will God stop loving you?

Sydney's reply: No

3. If you lose, will your friends not like you anymore?

Sydney's reply: No

4. So, what's the worst thing that can happen to you if you lose?

After a long pause, Sydney's reply: I don't know.

In a nutshell, if you lose Mommy and Daddy will still love you, God will still love you, and your friends are still going to love you and be your friend.  I guess the worst thing that will happen is that you will lose.  And that's it.  If you can handle the feeling of losing, then you will be alright, because it won't get any worse than that.  And really, it can only get better.

I've been trying to take my own advice lately.  Sometimes the unknown, or perhaps our worst fears, will keep us from enjoying a moment, or taking a step of faith.  I don't know about you, but I can almost become paralyzed as the worst case scenario plays through my mind.  I'm learning to ask myself the same questions I asked Sydney: If this happens (worst case scenario) will God stop loving me?  Will Joel, and my family stop loving me?  Of course not!  So, the worst thing that could happen is this "thing".  And if I can handle that, and with God's help and love I will, then I will be alright.

Because it won't get any worse than my worst case scenario.  And really, it can only get better.

He will fight for you.

Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." He will fight for you.

Working it out, and making it work.

We are a family of five.  A family of five packed with lots of personality.  There is never a dull moment in our home.  It's lively.  Feisty.  Colorful.  Passionate and Diverse. Naturally, with all this passion and diversity comes an awful lot of disagreement (you can only imagine).  Our more recent family verse could not have been more appropriate.

This scripture prompted some interesting dialogue.  "What does unity in our family look like?"  "What if we made every effort at working it out, and making it work with each other?"  "What does it mean to be held together with the bond of peace?"

We set our goals.  We thought, each one of us, of what it would take to "make every effort".

We are going on week #2 with these goals.  We are learning.  Unity takes time.  I figure, if God isn't finished with me yet, refining and chipping away at the rough character issues in my life, then we can take another week to focus on "speaking with a calm voice," "using words like 'please' and 'thank you'," and "no poking, no whining...".

I love the way Joel expressed our need for this verse in our family to our children.  He explained that this is the way God desires for all of us Christians to treat and behave with one another.  We get to practice this in our home so we will know how to treat our brothers and sisters in Christ.

This summer we are working it out, and making it work.  We are making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace...and a whole lot of love too!

Old Dog, New Tricks

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks.  There are days I am tempted to agree with them.  Joel and I bought a new camera.  We spent months researching and comparing brands, prices, and pixels, then finally bit the bullet.  We pushed our nine-year-old, first edition, digital Sony camera aside and purchased a camera that promised to do everything, as well as cure cancer (well, not really).  I was like a kid on the night before Christmas as I waited for our upgrade into the 21st century to arrive in the mail.  When it finally came, I had that thing unpacked in less than five seconds flat. I started snapping pics like I knew something about cameras...which I don't.  In fact, as I flipped through to review my recent shots, it became very clear to me that I know absolutely "nada" about camera technology built in the last 10 years.  I pulled out the owner's manual and instructional DVDs, getting to work, learning about his new piece of machinery.  Suffice it to say, a month later I am still learning by much trial and error.  Almost to the point of pulling out my old Sony and giving up.  But of course I won't.  You see, the desire to take better quality photos far outweighs the desire to stop learning how to operate this new camera, as frustrating and impossible as it may seem at times.

I haven't been blogging lately because I have felt like an old dog learning new tricks over the past five months.  God is up to new things, and most of them aren't that comfortable for me.  He's been stretching me beyond my comfort zone and requiring my nose to be stuck in his instructional manual rather than my computer.  I often find myself wishing I could return to the things that I know, like my old Sony digital camera, rather than take that overwhelming step towards the life and future I have dreamed about.

It's easy to dream.  To think about how nice it would be to get that one perfect snapshot.  It's something completely different to start working towards that dream.  That takes discipline, time, a few tears, and perseverance.  It takes a determined effort to keep that dream in view, ignoring the growing pains, and trusting the One in the lead.  The new tricks might seem a bit out of reach, but they are never unattainable.

So, throw that old first-edition digital camera away, and get down to business on the new thing that God has brought your way.  We are not "Old Dogs" yet, my friend!

Safely Kept

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me.  Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever.  Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

Psalm 138:8

From the dawn of time God had you in mind.  He created a tailor-made plan for your life, and being God, he intends to fulfill that plan.  The worries of this world would try to convince you and me that maybe God can't handle all the concerns and stress that we carry each day.  We begin to hesitate in putting our complete faith in our Heavenly Father, and we start looking to ourselves for answers and results.

But God knows what he's doing.  God hasn't forgotten his plans for you.  God is deeply aware of those things that concern you.  In fact, they concern him too.  And he is more than capable of taking care of our children, our jobs, our homes, our physical bodies than we ever could...no matter how hard we try.

Not only will he complete the work that he started in you, but he will perfect it.  He will make it better than you could ever imagine.  His love is a faithful love...it never goes away.  Just as you and I would never abandon our own children, he will never abandon you.  He will never forsake you.

You are safely kept in the palm of his hand.

How precious you are to him.  So let him carry your burdens.  Let him work out his plans for you.  Trust him and obey.  And allow him to draw you into peace, protection, rest and security.

Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love.  Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.

Jeremiah 31:3

Welcome to my world...get rid of that junk - Part 2

Jill Martin, a Today Show contributor, writes in her book, "I Have Nothing To Wear", that women should get rid of 75% of their closets.  That means going through all those clothes, shoes, scarves and belts and finding the 25% that you can't live without.  I love a good challenge.  In fact, I was so inspired after I watched Jill's segment on Today that I ran upstairs to get started. At the end of my great closet purge I ended up getting rid of two pairs of jeans, a black vest and a sweater.  Four items.  Not even close to 75% of my closet.  So where did I go wrong?  Or should I say, where did I go right?

Several years ago I heard a professional organizer share tips on how to keep closets under control.  She advised that for every new item you buy you should get rid of an old item.  I thought this was an ingenious idea.

I loved her advice so much that I have made it an ongoing habit.  The reason I didn't have 75% of my closet to purge was because I've learned how to keep my closet under control.

Everything I own is something that I actually wear.  At the end of each season I will make another assessment and if there are items that have gone unworn, they will eventually make it to the give-away pile.

So, how do we get started, and how do we keep our closets under control?

• Schedule a day to thoroughly go through your closets.

• Assess what you have and make piles.

• Keep items that you absolutely love, wear or use on a consistent basis.

• Donate items that do not fit properly or you haven't worn for 6 months to a year.  Anything that has been shoved to the back corner of your closet should probably go.

• Maybe items are those that you may want to think about.  At the end of the day go through this pile and make your final decision.

This is also a wonderful way to teach your kiddos how to manage their own stuff.  I believe that training our kids on how to do a good closet and toy cleanse will give them a tremendous skill for years to come.

Here's what I did with my girls:

• Schedule a portion of the day for a little one-on-one time.
• Let the child Choose the area of the room/closet we will be focussing on first.  (I like to pick two areas that we will tackle.  The child chooses the order in which we work.  This gives them a sense of control over the situation.)
• Have the child Expose the stuff and lay in on the floor.
• Allow the child to Assess items and put them in the appropriate piles.

This year my eight-year-old was responsible for going through all her drawers and hanging clothes and trying everything on to see what fit and what she had outgrown.  She has learned how to make piles without my constant supervision.  When she was done I checked on her work.  She had re-organized her drawers with the clothes that still fit, and had put everything else in a pile ready for donation.  I've been working with her for a long time, and she is becoming quite the pro.

My six-year-old struggles a bit more in this area.  She is a very responsible little girl, but has a completely different temperament.  I allow her to take her time and give her space to process as we work.

One of the things I have tried to do as we have gone through toys and placed them in piles, is to verbally walk them through the process.  I will ask questions like, "Why would we put this in the give-away pile?" or "What makes this item a keeper?"  I have found that by talking them through it, and encouraging them to articulate why they are deciding to keep or get rid of something, allows them to fully understand what we are doing.  It's not just about getting the job done, but knowing the why behind it.  At least, that's my approach.

I would LOVE to know if/when you have done your own closet cleansing, and how did you do it?  Have any of you tried to purge 75% of your own closets?  If you have children, how have you brought them along in the process?  If you have any additional small-space living tips, please share them.  I will post them in an upcoming edition of this small-space living series!

Perfectly Peaceful

You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

I've been feeling a little anxious lately.  In fact, I couldn't sleep last night.  So many lists going, so many meetings scheduled, so many unfinished projects.  So little time.  Staring blankly at the ceiling, at one-o'clock in the morning, the one comfort I had was this verse.  In the middle of the stress, if I keep my mind on Him, I will find myself perfectly peaceful.

He will keep me.  He will strengthen me.  He will be my supply.

I will trust in Him.

Welcome to my world...get rid of that junk - Part 1

How a girl who grew up in a third-world country could accumulate massive quantities of junk is beyond me.  I am ashamed.  I have been known to hoard things: unnecessary things; rainy day things; sunny day things; miscellaneous, random, where-did-this-come-from things.  What can I say?  Life happens.  Babies happen.  Ten years of marriage happen.  Busy lives and transitions happen.  And the next thing you know...you've got stuff.  Even in a small home. The thing about accumulating junk in a small house is that you notice it a lot more quickly because, well, space is limited.  And before you know it, that little pile of junk has become a mountain of junk.  It's scary.  The temptation that I struggle with in moments like these is to start entertaining thoughts like, "This house just isn't big enough anymore," or "I can't handle this cramped space.  We need a bigger place."  Thoughts like this happen when you live in a small house.  It's inevitable.  However, thinking like this can be a distraction from the bigger issue- the hoarding of useless junk.

After I've put the "I-need-a-bigger-house" thoughts out of my mind, I can start tackling the mountain before me.

As a rule of thumb I go through my house 2-3 times a year and do a massive purge: clothes, old toys, papers, magazines, and miscellaneous things that find their way into my home.  Now that my kids are getting older, and we seem to be bringing unbelievable quantities of papers and binders home throughout the year, I find that a good paper purge is in order on a daily - yes, I said daily - basis.  The paper alone will eat up your house and spit you out if you don't keep it under control.  This I promise you.

Small-space living calls for some serious de-junking of your life.  It's the only way to survive.  And I might add, the more you get rid of the more free you will feel.  Simplifying is rewarding in more ways than one.

De-Junking the House 101:

• EXPOSE your junk!  Go through your house and open up closets, cabinets, drawers. and kitchen pantry.  Pull things out from under the bed.

• ASSESS what you have and start making piles.

• KEEP anything that you use regularly or absolutely love.

• DONATE anything that is in good condition that you no longer need/use.  Bag items up and haul to Goodwill/Salvation Army or any other non-profit organization that will receive donations.

• SELL any items that could possibly put a little extra $$ in your pocket.

• THROW AWAY anything that is broken, torn, over-used, or stained.

It's a simple practice - EXPOSE, ASSESS, KEEP, DONATE, SELL, THROW AWAY.  Next week we'll take a more focussed look at closet purging and how to bring your kiddos along for the ride, turning the process into teachable moments.  Join me for Part 2 of getting rid of that junk! :)

Suffering

In fact those who have experienced more of the love of God than anyone I have ever met have also endured more suffering.  When you crush lavender, you find its full fragrance; when you squeeze an orange, you extract its sweet juice.  In the same way it is often through pains and hurts that we develop the fragrance and sweetness of Jesus in our lives. - David Watson

You don't have to look very far to find suffering.  In fact, you may be in the middle of a crisis right now that is squeezing the juice out of you.  I've been thinking a lot about suffering lately as I've watched various friends go through some of the most painful seasons of their lives.  What I am most captivated by is the beautiful glow that surrounds them.  It's not the grit-your-teeth-and-put-on-a-good-show type of beauty, but one that can only come through the grace of God so lavishly poured out on them.  The more they are squeezed the sweeter they become.

We must be prepared to acknowledge that there is no simple definitive answer to the "Why?" of suffering.  Instead, we may approach the problem from a different perspective: God is a God who suffers alongside us. - Nicky Gumbel from his book, Searching Issues

We have a God who is not oblivious or ignorant to our hurts.  In fact, he is deeply acquainted with our pain, and he walks beside us through each crush and squeeze of our suffering.

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.  Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.  Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered  him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.  But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. - Isaiah 53:3-5

Four Things I Learned Last Weekend

A week ago I was flying across the country to meet up with three of my high school BFF's.  We had been planning this reunion for months, and the excitement of seeing these sweet friends had me up all through the night.  I knew it was going to be a wonderful weekend, but I had no idea just how wonderful it would turn out to be. There was laughter.  So much so that we discovered new muscles in our cheeks that we never knew existed.  There were, of course, tears, stories and endless conversation.  It never stopped.  For 48 hours straight.  As I have been reflecting upon our time together there are some things that I will be processing for days and weeks to come.  However, I have come up with four simple take-aways that I learned from spending time with some of the most amazing women on the planet.  Here they are:

• I'm not crazy.  Life as a third culture kid can sometimes leave one to feel like a lunatic.  Even at 37 years of age.  Being with my girlfriends this weekend, who have shared similar experiences and challenges, reminded me that I am not a lunatic.  What a relief!
• "Double Switch" is still the best made-for-t.v. movie ever to hit the small screen.  Just sayin'.
• I'm a great mom.  Yes.  That's right.  Can you believe I would have the audacity to proclaim my unparalleled mothering skills?  We talked a lot about "mom guilt".  If you have never felt the searing pain of "mom guilt" then I want to know who you are and I want to shake your hand, or give you a hug.   I try so hard at motherhood, and oftentimes feel like a failure.  Balancing discipline, love, spiritual growth, and relationship building is a full-time job, and then some.  I don't want to be a good mom, I want to be a great one.  And what perpetuates the guilt and feelings of failure is every time I look around and compare myself with other moms.  We talked about this stuff - our stuff.  Finally, we realized that no matter how hard we try to make sure we don't fail at this thing called motherhood, our kids will still have issues.  They may not be our issues, but they will have issues just the same.  But they will also turn out okay.  Ultimately, they rest in God's hands.  We simply do the best we can.  I concluded that I am a great mom.  A super, fabulous, top-notch, creative, compassionate, super-woman mom.  If you can relate, then go ahead and give yourself a little pat on the back.  Believe me, I have. :)
• Spiritual growth is a slow process, sometimes unrecognizable from the outside.  I don't know about you, but there are many times I feel like I'm running a winless race.  In fact, I feel like I'm running myself into the ground trying to prove to myself and others that I am a spiritually mature Christian.  Somehow it has become more about me than about Him.  However, I realized, as I processed some of life's challenges and hurts with my friends, that in the moments when I feel like nothing worth a hill of beans is happening in my life are the very moments when God is doing extraordinary things in me.  There is no rush in spiritual growth.  It is a one-small-step-at-a-time walk.  This is not a competition.  It is a personal journey.

As I boarded the plane home, wiping tears from my eyes, I heard Michael W. Smith's song, "Friends are Friends Forever" ringing in my head.  How right he was.  BFF's forever.

Welcome to my world...creating special places from extra spaces

Where on earth does one find extra space in a small house where every square inch is accounted for? The answer to this question takes a little creativity, planning, time, and teamwork.  Our bonus space upstairs - our saving grace - was an eye sore to me for three years.  I hated it.  Because of its odd shape, I had a difficult time seeing its potential to be anything other than a giant toy box with a desk.  I rearranged furniture on a regular basis, hoping to make peace with my zig-zag shaped room.

Then, ding! A light went on in my head.  Perusing through- or more like desperately inhaling one of my decorating books- I found a picture of a small home office with a window seat and built-in shelving.  And there it was:  the answer to all my bonus room woes.  Duplicating this idea for our home would kill three birds with one stone: add seating, storage, and charm (and I'm all about charm).

Once we had the plan, then everything else fell into place: the wall color, the accent colors, the home office.  My creative juices started flowing, and I could finally "see" the potential for this room.  We got rid of our over-sized computer desk and scaled down to a computer armoire - which I bought second-hand.  We also enlisted the help of my in-laws.  They are two of the most gifted do-it-yourself people I know.  My father-in-law is a skilled craftsman (although he would deny this fact emphatically), and my mother-in-law is a seamstress extraordinaire.  Together, they are a powerful team...and have been a huge blessing to us.  We put our heads together, using the picture from my decorating book as a guide, and began planning out the window-seat wall unit.

From the moment I came up with the idea for our bonus room to the finished product was two years.  Sometimes these things take time, but they are well worth the wait.  I love our window seat.  It's a great place to flop with a good book or catch up on a little e-mail.  There is a place for random toys, shelves for books, nick-nacks and pictures, and ample seating for people.  The transformation of this room has been an incredible gift to our family.

Other individual spaces can be created with a little tweaking.  In our living room we have a big red chair.  It is my special spot.  That's where I have my quiet time in the morning, and where I like to flop in the evening (Joel loves this special spot too, so in the evening it's first come/ first serve :)).  I have fluffy pillows that makes sitting there super comfy and warm.

My patio in the summertime is another example.  Our outdoor space has been a work-in-progress.  This year I finally broke down and bought patio furniture.  In the past it's been "pay for a root canal...or buy patio furniture?"  You can take a guess at which one we opted for.  This year we were able to take the plunge and add a little patio seating to the exterior decor of our home.  And I must say, I am loving it.

Other suggestions:

• The landing.  You can create something sweet at the top of your stairs by adding a little shelf, a wall collage of pictures, trunk, plant, or small chair.
• Your bedroom.  I talked about this in my post about the master suite.  You can read about it here.
• A corner.  Depending on the layout of your home, look for a corner that shows potential for becoming a special spot.  There is a great post written by Sarah over at A Beach Cottage that demonstrates this concept well.
• It could even be one side of your couch.  Add a couple of fluffy throw pillows, a soft blanket, and you've created your own special place.

Next week we'll face our junk square in the eye and show it who's boss.  Thanks for joining me...see you next week!

Hold-your-hand-in-the-dark friends

These girls are two of my hold-your-hand-in-the-dark friends.  During one of the most painful seasons of my life, these girls were there for me.  They loved me.  They hurt with me.  They are the kind of friends that don't judge when you cry so hard that your mascara runs, your nose runs, and nothing coming out of your mouth makes any sense at all.  I am so grateful for them.

We may want to desperately erase our pasts, pretending that things never really happened.  I know there are seasons of my own life that I would rather just forget.  However, these dear friends of mine are a reminder to me that something beautiful can be had in the ugliness of our pasts.  While I was in my darkest hour, these girls were my light and a reminder that God still cared for me.  They sat with me, prayed for me, and in the words of my friend Heidi, "When you don't know what to say, you just hold her hand."

Do you have friends like this?  The hold-your-hand-in-the-dark kind of friends?  Perhaps the shoe is on the other foot, and you are that hold-your-hand-in-the-dark friend for someone.  Whichever side of the dark you are on, trust that the blessing of this friendship will be with you forever.  And the journey you are on, no matter how painful, will be worth all the blood, sweat, and tears in the end.

And one day, perhaps years down the road, these same friends will laugh with you, take you down the happy side of memory lane, and rejoice when they see how far you've come.

Hang in there, and keep holding hands.

Welcome to my world...before we go any further

Today marks Week Five of my new Friday series on small-space-living.  As I was putting it all together I felt I needed to make sure I took a moment to talk about one of the biggest obstacles I have faced while living in a small home.  It has nothing to do with size and everything to do with my attitude.  This has truly been a journey, and I hope you'll hang in here with me as we continue along. :) If you are new to my blog and you would like to catch up on my small space living series, you can do so by clicking on the following links:

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

There is nothing more stressful than playing the "keeping up with the Joneses" game.  And I'll confess, I am guilty of playing this at various seasons in my life.  And I think if we were all willing to be gut-wrenchingly honest, there is probably a small part of us that is always looking at someone else's life...and comparing.

We could blame it on the American dream.  The one that tells us that true happiness is a beautiful home, a happy marriage, two-and-a-half children, a dog, and a pristine minivan/SUV/station wagon/Hybrid something...take your pick.  And until we've attained all these things we're somehow missing out on the good life.  But the world is a different place today.  I'm not going to say that the American dream is dead, but I do believe it has changed .  And I find the most challenging obstacle for me in all of this is not so much the American dream - that sort of sits out there in space somewhere just out of my reach - but changing my mindset.

Letting go of the American dream.  This is not to say that we won't one day move into a more spacious home (I'm not anti-large home at all).  But if that is our number-one goal, then I wonder if we've gotten off track somewhere.  I wonder if chasing after the American dream is really what life is supposed to be about.  And if this is all we're striving for, I think we're going to be very discouraged and frustrated when life takes a turn in a different direction.  There are some things that are simply out of our control, and the best way to live at peace with ourselves and our circumstances, is pull out of the rat race that tells us what we need or should have, and start living in the present.  Making the most of the life God has given us today.

I could go on and on about how to maximize small spaces, how to organize and stay organized, and how to successfully purge your house of miscellaneous papers and such, but all that is meaningless until your mindset has changed.  First, get to that point where the American dream is either forgotten or placed on the back burner for a while.  It is only then that you can move forward and embrace small-space living.  There is no reward for trying to keep up with other people.  It will surely drive you mad and drive you deep into debt.

So, before we go any further, I would urge you to do a little soul searching.  Discover what unfulfilled dreams you've been holding on to that only seem to keep you from moving ahead, come to grips with where you are, and ask God to give you a fresh perspective.  Only then can you find the peace you've been longing for.  And only then can you embrace your sweet small space.

"Contentment does not come from the acquisition of what you want.  It comes from the appreciation of how much you already have." - Ray Noah, Lead Pastor, Portland Christian Center

Next week we'll look at ways to create individual spaces out of extra space.  Time to get those creative juices flowing!

A Brief Thought On Motherhood

Moms come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, histories, gifts and callings.  Motherhood is not a "one size fits all" deal.  In theory this is a great truth.  In practice it can be very challenging to accept and believe. Some moms work outside the home, some moms are full time homemakers.  Some moms send their kids to public school, some to private school, and some choose to homeschool.  Some moms are single, some are married.  Some moms are the outdoorsy types, and love camping, rock climbing, canoeing and hiking.  Some moms are crafty, some are foodies, some are musicians, some are story-tellers.  Some moms wear a high powered suit to work and lead major companies, some moms rock at farming and cattle raising.

I believe the best moms are not the moms that try to squeeze into a mold that doesn't fit (it's like trying to squeeze into a pair of ill-fitting jeans...that's downright sad and painful).  The best moms are not looking at other moms and comparing themselves or wasting time by judging and criticizing.  Just as each individual comes in a unique and beautiful package, so is the role they play in motherhood.  There is no "one size fits all".  Rather than comparing, wouldn't it be more productive for us to extend grace to one another and realize that most moms are simply trying to do the best they can to be the best they can be?

The best moms are the moms who are grounded in their faith, obedient to the individual calling God has placed on their lives, and are operating in their God-given gifts and abilities.  These moms will truly be their best selves for their families.

"Her children will arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:  Many women do noble things but you surpass them all.  Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:28-30

Welcome to my world...the master of the house

A very long time ago I heard a woman speak about how to create a lovely home.   Her audience was a group of pastors' wives, and her primary point was the importance of focusing on the master bedroom before tackling any other room in the house.  The "love nest" should be every woman's priority.  I wish I could say I took her advice to heart and have been an obedient little pastor's wife, but in this simple thing I have failed.

The "love nest" is very important to me; however, in the three homes Joel and I have lived in, I have found myself setting up the kitchen and living room - and now the children's room - before focussing on the master bedroom.  This is no reflection on the sate of my marriage.  Honest.  I'm just a practical girl.  I spend more time in my kitchen than I do my bedroom, so the kitchen comes first.

So why am I sharing all of this with you?  Simple.  The master bedroom, even after six years in this house, is still a work in progress.  I'm still tweaking.  The former me would have put this post on hold - for 2 to 3 years - until it looked the way it does in my dreams.  But for the sake of this series, I decided to lay down my pride and give you a little preview of the master of the house.

Before moving into our home, I imagined the most peaceful place on earth.  I daydreamed about my favorite locations in the world: Aix en Provence, Mombasa, Paris, Maasai Mara, the East Coast.  If I could wake up every morning in one spot, where would it be?  And that is how I put our master bedroom together.

I'm constantly tweaking it, and I even have plans to repaint (don't tell my husband!) because it never feels "done" to me.  Still, I get a small dose of St. Simon's Island, Georgia, when I hide away in my room.

While we haven't completely banished the children from our bedroom, we do have boundaries.  It's not a playroom.  Plain and simple.  This is sacred space, and that's how I survive.

The master suite is the one place where I can escape from little toys and little shoes for a few hours.  A place where I can recharge, calm down, and feel refreshed.

Believe it or not, this has not put a damper on my relationship with my children.  They have a respect and understanding that the master bedroom is a special place.  It doesn't hurt children to have boundaries.  It teaches them respect for other people and how to conduct themselves in other homes.  Plus, making the master bedroom a room set-apart models to my children that the relationship between mom and dad is important and a priority.

Here are a few hints on small-space master suites:

• If you have children, keep the master suite your own.  I'm all for sharing, but not this one thing.
• Create a peaceful place.  Whatever color calms you down, use it on your walls and accent colors.
• Stay away from big, bulky furniture pieces.  Big furniture will swallow your room whole.  Try to find pieces with character that enhance the look of the room.
• Think storage.  There are wonderful closet storage units that help minimize clutter but also give you more closet space.  The less clothes and other items you need in the bedroom the better.

Thanks for stopping by today.  Next week, we'll talk about the biggest obstacle to overcome in small space living.  I hope you'll join me!

Welcome to my world...sleeping arrangements

"How do you do it?  How do you sleep all three kids in one room?"

I get asked this question...a lot.  Honestly, I'm no supermom, so I don't usually have a good answer.  I guess the one thing we had going for us was that our kids have never known anything but sharing a room together.  This is the way it has always been.  I shared a room with my sister until we were in junior high.  And even then, we would sneak into each other's rooms every so often just to be together.  Siblings sharing a bedroom was not a foreign concept to me, so naturally I always figured that my kids would share a room, too.  However, the idea of having my son share bedroom space with my girls was a little foreign to me.  This mental block had to be removed quickly because there really wasn't any other option in our case.

So, how did I do it?  Here are a few "tips" I've learned and try to put into practice:

• Attitude is 90% of the battle.  Kids are very perceptive, and they will quickly pick up on your apprehension, fear or frustration, regarding small-space sleeping arrangements.  You don't have to fake it, but I would try really hard to work out your own feelings before working with your kids.  When you have come to a happy place with the idea, then you can start talking it up to your little ones, including them in the planning process.
• Be creative.  There are wonderful resources out there on how to decorate and put together shared sleeping spaces.  Better Homes and Gardens has a big idea book full of pictures and guides for those of us who need a little jump start.  I also found Pottery Barn Kids to be another excellent resource.  While you may not be able to afford their prices, perusing their website is free, and they have an entire section on how to plan children's shared sleeping spaces.  Pick and choose the ideas that will work best for your children's room and go from there.
• Teach personal responsibility.  The older my children get, the more responsibilities they receive.  The oldest one is taking care of her part of the bedroom.  Because we are working with small space, extra clutter, clothes on the floor, and unmade beds are magnified.  For some moms this might not be a big deal, but it is for me.  Therefore, my children have the primary jobs of making their beds in the morning, picking up clothes and putting them away, cleaning up their toys when they are done playing with them, and tidying up their room.  I believe it is very healthy for them to have these responsibilities because one day they will be sharing space at college, dealing with flatmates after college, and then later on in marriage.  What a great skill they are developing in showing respect for others.
• Find a place for those treasures.  What my children perceive as treasure I tend to perceive as junk.  However, I can't very well go around throwing all their special things away, as tempting as it is at times.  Therefore, I have made sure that each child has a place (shelves and baskets) where they can stow their special treasures away.  They each have a place to display keepsakes as well as storage for journals, papers, and miscellaneous items they hold dear.  The small space keeps them from saving everything, so they really have to think about what is truly important to them and then get rid of the rest.

It is becoming more and more common these days for siblings to share bedroom space due to the growing number of families downsizing their homes.  I did my best to give you an overview on how we do things in our home; however, I realize there may be additional questions.  Please don't hesitate to ask me anything on this topic that you would find helpful.  I am more than happy to share more details with you.

Next week, we'll take a peek at the master suite - a no-kid zone.